Weekend in review: From racism to redemption (Arlington Heights Daily Herald)
What you missed over the weekend: A skinhead's journey to redemption. Lake
Zurich High School goes environmental with its water. Kids can ride
motorcycles completely unrestricted, not even helmets. A former Rolling
Meadows family hears the news that a killer confessed to a son's 1975 murder.
Arlington Heights Daily Herald
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There have been thrice in life when folks have told me that I am very controlling. This is not something that is good to hear. Each and every time I have heard this I have become fairly defensive and angry, but upon personal reflection I really realize that the observations were correct. This is not the best feeling, yet I was happy that I have people who care enough about me to point out my very own mistakes to me. The only way we're able to grow and change is when we realize what we are doing wrong.
My latest episode of being very controlling involved my eighteen year old son. He was in the market for motorcycles for sale. I wanted him to look at used cars, but no. He isn't into used cars, because motorcycles are a lot more attractive than used cars. He had been saving his money from a part time job for two years. He had talked about proudly owning a motorbike since he was 10 years old. I have always been concerned about this because I do know that there are a lot of people who get severely hurt and killed in accidents each year.
Just a few weeks prior to his birthday he was looking at newspaper advertisements for motorcycles for sale. I went into my full litany about why this was not a good idea. We ended up having a disagreement and both of us said things that we regretted. I told him that he won't own a motorbike while still living at home so he actually threatened to move out and things simply escalated. I was feeling terrible and was losing sleep. I didn't want to back down from my very own decision.
One of my co-workers who is also an excellent pal told me that I was trying to protect and control my very own son and in the process was losing him. She pointed out that he was very responsible. He had held the same job for two years and maintained excellent grades in school. He was responsible in driving the household car and he was not really a risk taker. She pointed out that when he was eighteen he would be an adult and I needed to give up trying to control his life.
She was right. It was difficult to hear and admit, but what she was saying was true. I called my husband and asked him if he knew which of the motorcycles on the market our son was interested in. I suggested we help him get it as a gesture that I'd support his decision to have a motorcycle and trusted that he will be safe with it. We informed our son that night that we'd help him purchase the bike as his birthday present. I apologized to him. This is one thing that I have discovered has helped in my relationship with our kids, the ability to admit being wrong and apologizing when I am.
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